Cappadocia, Turkey

I absolutely love Turkey. I think the country is fucking beautiful and rich in history, locals give out smiles like goddamn dental adverts, and the bread is a chubby girls HEAVEN (France’s baguettes will taste like fucking Wonderbread after you’ve been to Turkey).

While any city you go to in this glorious nation will be a wonderful experience, I cannot preach enough how goddamn magical Cappadocia is (pronounced cap-uh-DOUGH-key-uh, not cap-uh-DOSH-uh).

It’s the land of fucking PENIS CAVES.

 

Check out this CHODE!

Check out this CHODE!

I recommend starting your trip in Cappadocia - it’s easy to land in Istanbul and then just move along to the domestic terminal for your internal flight. Once you arrive at the Kayseri airport, you’ll need to hop a 1-hour shuttle to Cappadocia. I stayed at Nomad Cave Hostel (I highly recommend) and I was able to arrange my shuttle through them.

I stayed in a cave and it was dope!

I stayed in a cave and it was dope!

There are tons of things to do in Cappadocia, most of which I didn’t do at all. If you’re hip to history, the underground cities could be fucking dope. There’s apparently a lovely ceramics shop there too. I’m all about adventure and some sweet views, so I came to the city of penis caves for one thing only: to see them from a hot air balloon.

WHO DOESN'T WANT TO FUCK WITH THIS?!

WHO DOESN'T WANT TO FUCK WITH THIS?!

I arrived late on a Saturday night and was greeted with a glass of apple tea (a Turkish specialty, don’t leave the country without trying it!) and booked my hot air balloon for sunrise the following day. As I was leaving for Istanbul on Monday morning, this was literally the only day that I could do the balloon ride. I was picked up along with a small group of other visitors and taken to the departure sight. We sipped on hot cocoa and cookies (because #breakfast) while the pilots were getting the balloons ready. Unfortunately, after an hour they had to call the ride off due to shit conditions, which was pretty fucking devastating for me. I went back to my hostel and hung out with some of the guys working the front desk.

When they asked me what I was going to do instead, I didn’t really have a plan. Then one of my new pals said, “Well, my brother has some horses and he can take you out around the valley if you’d like.”

YES FUCKING PLEASE.

I LOVE PENIS CAVES

I LOVE PENIS CAVES

His brother didn’t speak a lick of English and the horse was more like a donkey but it was such a fucking beautiful experience. Trotting through phallic rock formations was honestly a dream come true. I’ve never done heavy drugs, but if there is ever a time to drop acid, this would be it. 

PENISES

PENISES

AND THEN GUESS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED?


My horse riding companion got a call from his brother at the hostel saying the balloon company was going to do a sunset ride. We tied up our donkey-horses somewhere (like literally IDK, it was just against some fucking pole) and sped off to get me to the departure sight.

I FUCKING MADE IT

I FUCKING MADE IT

I ended up sharing a basket with 12 Brazilians, ranging in age from 20-42. These people were not a family, but just friends from different generations who wanted to have a new experience together. And my God, they were absolute angels. They invited me into their group conversations immediately and explained all their inside jokes so I wouldn't feel left out.


One of the guys proposed to his girlfriend on the balloon and it was fucking gorgeous and I cried like a little bitch. They invited me to share their champagne, and to get in all their group photos, so hello adopted family.

CONGRATS BRAZILIANS WHOSE NAMES I CANNOT RECALL. ILY!

CONGRATS BRAZILIANS WHOSE NAMES I CANNOT RECALL. ILY!

I say this often: a trip is only as good as the people you meet. I think even if I had not encountered such kind and generous folks, I would have still loved Cappadocia, but fuck me, the people made this place unforgettable.